Sunday, October 29, 2006

Characters That Freak Me Out, Episode IV


He's not grimacing. In fact, he's never grimacing. He's always smiling. Unsettlingly.

What is he supposed to be anyway? Is this what will happen to YOU if you continue to eat at McDonald's? Let this be a warning to us all; eating at McDonald's will turn you into a large purple blob with an ironically misleading name.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Characters That Freak Me Out, Episode III

Captain Planet.

I probably don't even have to explain why this guy freaks me out, but the green mullet might be a tip off. For those who don't remember, Captain Planet and his "Planeteers" (yikes) used to prance about the earth bringing hard justice down upon the heads of evil scoundrels who had nothing better to do than to randomly pollute the oceans and litter in the park. Makes you wonder what happened to old-fashioned villians; you know, the kind who wanted to take over the world, gain riches, etc.

Random Villian: "And now, my minions, my plan has finally come to fruition. Soon, the Grand Canyon will be filled with those plastic rings that come off of six packs of soda cans and choke seagulls to death, and no one can stop us now!!!! BWA HAH HAH HAH!"

Captain Planet: "Not if I have anything to say about it, Dr. Smog! Planeteers, ACCESSORIZE!"

Planeteers: "You go, Captain Planet!"

[Corey picks up remote, turns off television, and exits stage left]

Characters That Freak Me Out, Episode II


I mean....why would you buy high fructose corn syrup (also known as Hawaiian Punch "JUICE") from a guy who is threatening to punch you? Maybe out of fear of being impaled on one of his antlers.....

Characters That Freak Me Out, Episode I

The Jolly Green Giant.