Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Rasberry Mocha Frappuccino®

Starbucks now offers a new product, known simply as the:


This thing will be the end of me.

I've already accepted, as fate*, that I am meant to consume Mocha Frappuccinos. A grande Mocha Frappuccino is not only delicious (I'm having a hard time typing about them without furiously craving one), but also costs, after tax, $4.17 (I found this price to be consistent in North Carolina, South Carolina, Tennessee, Florida and Arkansas; if it costs more elsewhere, then, apparently, I'm simply not meant to consume them in those states).

What does this have to do with anything (you might ask)?

Well...nothing...unless you are superstitious...which I'm not...maybe...

I was born on September 29, 1978, at 4:17. Ever since then, It seems, I can't get away from the number 417. When I was in high school, my future wife introduced me to a group of guys who were starting a band and needed a guitarist. The name of the band? Flight 4:17.

I didn't realize it at the time, but as years have gone by, I've come to notice just how often significant things happen to me involving the number 417. I very often just "happen" to glance at the clock, only to notice that, by gum, it just happens to be 4:17. "What a coincidence, self", I often tell myself. Once, a rock flew up and cracked my windshield as I drove down the highway. Looked at my clock; 4:17. Got bad news; 4:17. Woken up in the middle of the night; 4:17. Getting hungry; 4:17. I really like this song on the radio; 4:17. What's that funny smell?; 4:17. As time goes by, paranoia starts to creep in....slowly....

On April 17, 2007 (that's 4-17-2007), I awoke from a good night's sleep and realized that, in fact, the world had not ended. The paranoid side of me was almost certain that calamity was waiting patiently at my door but, sure enough, I made it out of my house and to the office with no hitches. I went through my work day, and everything seemed fine. Heck; I even had my two boys with me at the office that particular day, and everything went off without a hitch...

...and then we left the office.

When I got into my truck, I noticed that I could not find my wallet. Convinced that I had left it at the service station earlier in the day, I began driving back home, retracing my steps so that I could find my wallet. As I drove down the road, I began getting more and more panicky about my wallet. What if someone had found it and stolen my identity?! Would anyone want my identity if they found it anyway? As I was pondering these things, I failed to notice that I had begun driving just slightly too fast. I also failed to notice the friendly policeman sitting next to the road. I soon noticed him well enough.

I received a speeding ticket that day for going 75 in a 65. I also received a ticket for not carrying my license (my wallet was missing; remember?).

The irony is that my wallet was in the center console all along. After finding it, I dug out my credit card and called a lawyer to help me with my speeding ticket. His advice: traffic school. I guess I'll be learning how to drive next week.

And what does all of this have to do with Rasberry Mocha Frappuccinos?

Simply this: while a grande Mocha Frappuccino costs $4.17 after tax, a grande Rasberry Mocha Frappuccino seems to cost $4.45**. Am I meant to drink a beverage that costs anything other than $4,17? Is this conundrum completely irascible?

I'm sure I'll survive. After all, I bought one last week, and nothing has happened so far...yet...

(bum bum bumpidy bum!!!!)

*If you seriously look for the meaning of life in numbers, you need to get a clue.
**At $4.45, a grande Rasberry Mocha Frappuccino costs $.23 more than a standard grande Mocha Frappuccino. According to Starbucks (, a grande Mocha Frappuccino contains 380 calories, which is roughly 1/5 of the calories that someone my size should be consuming in a day. However, a grande Rasberry Mocha Frappuccino contains 390 calories, which is 10 more than a standard Mocha Frappuccino. $.23 for only 10 extra calories? All they're doing is squirting rasberry jam on top of the whipped cream...

[UPDATE: Apparently, if you purchase the suggested "Raspberry Swirl Loaf" to eat along with your grande Rasberry Mocha Frappuccino, the price, after tax, comes to $6.60, which is just a nickel and a penny away from a very dubious number indeed....]


Amber said...

Remember this from back in January?

"Traffic Court; or How I Learned to Stop Speeding and to Pay More Attention to My Surroundings"

What did you say you learned? What? Huh? Speak up! I cant hear you!


Anonymous said...