Sunday, March 26, 2006

Seagulls hang out in parking lots.


As you can see (just look at that photo), I am very serious. And so, I have something very serious to say.

I have noticed a common phenomenon that many others have noticed before me. However, without the gift of EXTREME OBSERVATION possessed by yours truly, they probably didn't even really pay it any attention. The phenomenon is this:

Seagulls hang out in parking lots.

Now, pay attention to what I have to say. Most people would think that, with a name like "seagull", this particular creature would spend most of its time near the water. Not so, says I. It seems that, to the common seagull, a suburban parking lot is just as good as (or better than) the sea any day. I have a theory about this.

It seems that, to the eye of a bird flying over modern suburbia that, in fact, a parking lot closely resembles a body of water. Upon swooping down, the bird finds that it doesn't have to catch its food. On the contrary, one can often find enough fast food bags and potato chip containers to fill it's appetite. The discarded food of suburbanites everywhere has replaced the need, in the bird's small mind, for fish and other aquatic wildlife.

Case in point: Charlotte, North Carolina. Hardly a seaport yet, often enough, the haven of seagulls looking for chow. I've seen it myself, and I've lived to tell the tale. Birds swarming a Wal-Mart parking lot, overturning Jack-in-the-Box bags, searching for french fries. Alas, the sea is calling their name, but they care not.

What will happen due to this travesty; I dare not speak it. Perhaps the world will be overtaken by sea creatures that were meant to be consumed by seagulls. Perhaps, seagulls will overtake the parking lots of America. If that happens, then heaven help us all.

6 comments:

AC (thermostat not included) said...

Seagulls are strange creatures indeed! Almost as strange as the elusive "Water Cooler Buffalo"!

You know the large people that stand around the water cooler at places of employment simply to escape the cubicle torture!

Let's hope their predatory nature doesn't capture you! BEWARE!

James Mickey Dean said...

I helped you acquire that theory, (that has just been made into a scientific law by you!) through the skillful observation at the Food Lion parking lot!

"Our seafood is so good the seagulls come!"

james mickey dean said...

i dunno...

Corey Davis said...

I remember that Jon! We saw a seagull in the Food Lion parking lot...that's one of the incidents that led to this post...thanks for reminding me...

james mickey dean said...

:D no problem dawg..

charlie wagner said...

Nothing to really add to that. Just very interesting. I have had a conversation before about this. I would not have written it though. Not that you should not have, just that I would not had been as skilled as you at pulling it off... Good job!